Being a person who doesn't know what or who to become in the future totally sucks. I wish someone would sit down with me and actually talk about what being an adult is really about. Maybe because I hate small talks so much, they are just as shitty as they actually sound. I love having a purpose, like a purpose of talking, walking or breathing. It feels so wrong to feel like not having any purpose these days at all. It kills me that I don't really care about anything else these days, because I was a purpose-freak before. I won't do anything unless there's a purpose to it.

But I wanted to be a writer, once, way back before. Maybe I'm writing a blog just to prove to myself that I'm not bad of a writer at all. Shit, that sounds so wrong at this moment. I hate the fact that I always want to prove something of myself to people around me so when I actually try to prove it to me, it feels so wrong, weird actually. I grew up watching people around me being successful, that I became afraid of not being like them. So I ended up being scared all the time, thinking when will I ever get out of this mess. I pray everyday that for once, please, Ya Allah, let this one work out well.

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