tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24147173321707055392024-02-08T08:11:27.949-08:00Finally Found Hana Zainuddinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03471455421321920717noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2414717332170705539.post-20501649398876291022018-01-27T10:07:00.000-08:002018-01-27T10:07:06.215-08:00High SchoolLooking back to all the times I had spent in high school, I couldn't help but smile. I've made it so far, sometimes I couldn't even believe it. All those tears that I've actually cried and all those nights of lack of sleep (can't say sleepless though) and I've finally made it through the damn stage. High school was mostly hell for me because I spent my final year counting days before the final day would arrive. I couldn't wait to finish school. Save me all the dramas, because I can actually meet all of my classmates and teachers outside of school. But the fact that no more high school issues will ever come in my way (except for the SPM result) anymore, its more than anything that I've ever wished for.<br />
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Those days when I feel like a complete failure, I still find a piece of myself, a version of myself finding an identity of my own. No matter how much I hate my high school life, I'm still happy to say that during those years I actually had found a piece of me that I believe I wouldn't if I wasn't here. It was hard for me admit this actually, but I opened up to a friend of mine a few days back. It's a bit funny, how I was actually sad thinking of the identity of mine I've found once, and now had lost. I wasn't even looking for it in the first place. It felt like serendipity, I might say. To find something so precious along the way of a journey where you wanted to end so bad. So when the end comes, you feel like you're gonna lose everything. And the worst is when you know that the chance of coming across something so precious like that again is very highly unlikely.<br />
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I believe that, human beings (correct me if I'm wrong) have this unchangeable way of living life. We tend to waste every moment, thinking we might have the same thing the next time. We wake up one day realizing we have now lost so much. And only then we would regret not having to cherish every moment we spent before. And knowing this much, it's funny how some of us make zero effort to change this. Maybe because we are going though something, we never know if it's our last time having it. We only know it when one day, we look back and realize it was then, our last time of having it, truly.Hana Zainuddinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03471455421321920717noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2414717332170705539.post-85016576901288729922018-01-26T09:42:00.002-08:002018-01-26T09:49:50.758-08:00Being a person who doesn't know what or who to become in the future totally sucks. I wish someone would sit down with me and actually talk about what being an adult is really about. Maybe because I hate small talks so much, they are just as shitty as they actually sound. I love having a purpose, like a purpose of talking, walking or breathing. It feels so wrong to feel like not having any purpose these days at all. It kills me that I don't really care about anything else these days, because I was a purpose-freak before. I won't do anything unless there's a purpose to it.<br />
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But I wanted to be a writer, once, way back before. Maybe I'm writing a blog just to prove to myself that I'm not bad of a writer at all. Shit, that sounds so wrong at this moment. I hate the fact that I always want to prove something of myself to people around me so when I actually try to prove it to me, it feels so wrong, weird actually. I grew up watching people around me being successful, that I became afraid of not being like them. So I ended up being scared all the time, thinking when will I ever get out of this mess. I pray everyday that for once, please, Ya Allah, let this one work out well.</div>
Hana Zainuddinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03471455421321920717noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2414717332170705539.post-78904331638407630342018-01-26T09:23:00.001-08:002018-01-26T09:23:57.330-08:00Let's admit it. Most people signed up for a blog just because they wished they would find someone through writing a blog. Someone, worth talking to. And after years of having one, I realized that it's not true at all. I haven't found anyone at all through writing a blog. It's hard to face the fact that the only place that I can be myself is the place where nobody had ever recognized me at all.<br />
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So, here I am. Still writing my heart out. Still hoping, childishly, for someone to come along the way and tell me that it's fine. It's fine to wish for something that is so impossible, as long as I still hope that a miracle will happen somewhere in the future.<br />
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Ugh, sorry for the cheesy writing. I'm just that kind of person.Hana Zainuddinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03471455421321920717noreply@blogger.com0